|
Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details. Does anyone know where I am? by J. G. Fabiano
I’ve always had a tough time getting to where I want to go. Ever since I can remember I have been basically lost. To this day my mother even kids me by explaining that I was late being born because I probably got lost. Even after I was born, I had a tough time finding things that other people had an easy time finding. Most babies find their feet before the age of three months. At the age of one I was still working my way down my legs in hopes that I would find something to play with at the end of them. Once I got there I was shocked to discover that my feet had tiny feet attached to them. Later in Life I found out that they were called toes. I don’t think my being "directionally challenged" is genetic. My father, who used to work on the road in sales, never got lost. As a family we took many road trips in New England and New York. I don’t think he ever asked for directions. I don’t know if my mother has a problem similar to mine because she never was allowed to drive. The problem of getting lost followed me through my developmental years. I would get lost going to a Little League baseball game when the game was close enough to walk to. I remember my team-mates laughing at me because I walked an extra six blocks when the field was almost directly behind my house. Getting to a friend’s house was always an adventure. After scaring my mother into a frenzy a couple of times because I never showed up where I was supposed to she decided that I should be delivered to where I was supposed to be by either herself or a friend. The problem continued through my college years. It took me almost a month to comfortably find my classes. I think I lost some weight in my first couple of weeks because I did not have a clue as to where to find the dining hall. At that point in my life I decided that the best way to find something was to join a group who was able to find everything. By the way, my beautiful wife never gets lost. As a schoolteacher this particular disorder did not affect me after the first few weeks of school. Again, I was late for class but after a while my students led the way. My real problems started when my principal decided to give me some responsibilities that took me outside of the school. One of these included coaching the golf team. I don’t pretend to play this particular game well but no one else wanted to take it, plus I had to make up for the time I got lost meeting my principal at an important seminar in Nashua, NH. I ended up in Vermont. Since the team consisted of only eight players I was also given the responsibility of driving the van to the matches. My first match was at a golf course in Kingsborough, New Hampshire and, before I left, the athletic director gave me directions. He later told me that I looked like a deer staring into the headlights of a car as he was talking to me. He also told me that, as he drew the map, I also looked like one of those little dolls that people put on their dashboards and have big heads that bob up and down . My team and I left the school right after school giving me plenty of time to get to the course. Of course I now realize that in order to give me plenty of time to get someplace I should leave a day earlier. The ride to the course was supposed to take approximately 45 minutes. After driving the van for an hour and a half I knew I was in trouble. My team didn’t mind the ride because they were in their own world talking about what happened on a particular day at school. However, then one of my larger players asked the immortal question: "Are we there yet?" I looked back and told him that the first tee was on the back seat. An half an hour later, driving through towns that had names that only an American Indian could pronounce and after passing my tenth sign that warned me of moose crossing the road, I decided to inform my team that we were indeed lost. I looked down at the map that my AD gave me and it looked to me like something that was written on the walls of some ancient Egyptian Pyramid. A few seconds later another immortal statement was issued by that same individual. "Can you find someplace to eat?" Looking out at the fields of grass that now surrounded the road I was tempted to pull over and tell that particular student to ‘graze‘, but, I was good. I told them I would find a MacDonald’s Restaurant and then we would work our way back to the school. I thought to myself how hard could finding a MacDonald’s be. They are found on most corners of most towns throughout the entire world. A half an hour later I was still in a quest to find the restaurant. Then I saw a sign that advertised the golden arches. I took the exit and found it, at least I thought I had found it. What I found was the golf course that I was supposed to be competing at two and a half hours earlier. Another example of my particular disorder occurred when I was asked to drive some students to the University of New Hampshire so that they could take larger buses with students from twelve other schools into Boston, to enjoy a show. I did not think this a problem because UNH was about five miles up a road in which I did not have to make a turn or even stop at a light. I filled the van with students who now knew I had little idea of how to find anything and drove off to the university. Shockingly enough I arrived when I was supposed to arrive. I then proudly looked back at my students and bragged how I got them where they were supposed to go. Needless to say they were not impressed. I then asked them where in the university I was supposed to drop them off. One of the students told me the Visitor’s Center. I then asked him where that was but he did not know. No one in the bus knew. God knows I did not know! I thought how hard could it be to find a visitor center that should be in the middle of the university. Since it was very early in the morning and no one was walking the streets I decided to find it for myself. An half hour later I was on a payphone calling my principal asking if she knew where the it was. She told me that the organizer of the event called and told me that I was making them late and that they might leave without my students. I was then shocked because a very large man in uniform grabbed my shoulder and asked if I was from the Newmarket School System. He then told me to follow him to the visitor center where the buses were waiting. Everyone back at school and most people across the state of New Hampshire couldn’t believe that anyone could get lost inside a university driving a van. I was feeling real low when one of my students came up to me and stated that it was OK and that everyone understood. Needless to say I have gotten used to being lost all of my life. I still have difficulty finding friends homes or finding places that most people find easy to find. One has to remember that being "directionally challenged" is a disorder that has no cure. I just wish I knew where I was going with this tale! The End
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
