Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details.Worshipping at the shrine of the kitchen God by J. G. Fabiano It is written that when people organized themselves into social groups, many millenniums ago, the first thing they did was to push a stick in the ground to mark the center of their universe. This stick then became an altar at which members of these newly formed societies could dispense the laws that held them together. These altars then grew into temples and churches with giant steeples that reached up into the sky to symbolize the meeting between heaven and earth. Today we have a new focal point that represents the heart and soul of our lives. It is called the refrigerator. The refrigerator has become the center point of our lives. The kitchen is the place where families meet, not only to share the fruits of their labors, but also to display the histories of our family and friends. We have to thank the people who invented the refrigerator magnet for this. Without this the exterior of the refrigerator would be a bare and uninteresting place. Pictures of family members past and present are arranged on the refrigerator door according to age and importance. At the corners of the big white box are photos of people we knew when we were young. The older the household the older the photos. I remember my parents’ refrigerator was covered with black and white pictures of people I did not know. Their clothes represented another time and the photos had long since turned from black and white to brown. The closer you get to the middle of the refrigerator door the more recent the memories. Her you will find photos of immediate family members and photos of close friends sharing good times no one wants to forget. Here you will also find pictures of our newest family members, sometimes dressed in fanciful clothes, sometimes in no clothes at all. Pictures that bring a smile to the faces of the parents, but which the newest family members will take down as soon as they are tall enough to reach. Our lives are also organized from this center of our homes. Calendars, doctors’ appointment cards, dentist’s appointment cards, brightly colored sticky notes to remind us of important dates and events. The most advanced computerized date book doesn’t come close to a simple glance at the refrigerator door to tell us where and when we should be on any given day. The white monolith in the middle of the kitchen also chronicles the successes of our children. Every few months a new report card is planted in the middle of the refrigerator door showing how the genes of the parents have been passed on successfully to the children. Unless, of course, the report card is marked mostly with ‘Fs’. However, these rarely make it to the refrigerator door. Visitors know better than to question the absence of this piece of paper because it is a source of deep family shame that does not bear closer scrutiny. Sometimes, in the absence of a report card, pride of place will be given to a picture that looks as if it has been finger painted by a chimpanzee on laughing gas, and is presented as proof of the child’s instinctive and advanced use of color and composition. For the visitor, pausing momentarily at the shrine, it is traditional to offer a respectful comment on the obvious genius of the artist and to try not to snicker while doing it. The entire history of some families is published on the exterior of the refrigerator; pictures of weddings, Christmas parties and summer vacations, never to be taken down. They represent important milestones in the lives of whoever occupies the home. As the years pass the photos proliferate to the point where very little of the actual refrigerator can be seen anymore. Some pictures are then pushed out onto the sides of the refrigerator to be seldom seen again, or lost in that dark and narrow space between the refrigerator and the kitchen cabinet. Family status is also demonstrated on refrigerator doors. Photos of the most popular or most successful members of the family appear most often. The more peripheral the pictures the less important are the people in the social ranking of the family unit. I remember once hearing a story of how one child’s picture was left off the refrigerator door while those of all the other siblings were prominently displayed. To alleviate any potential trauma that might result, the family had to post a glossy 8 x 11 photo of the slighted child in the middle of the door the next day. Attached to the refrigerator door are not only family photos but also representations of what the family believes in. Some refrigerators are ornamented with religious images and sayings. The occupants of these homes seem to hope that these conspicuous displays of faith will bring good luck, or at least partial immunity from diving retribution because they haven’t been near a place of worship in years. Favorite sayings are also prominently displayed that make people laugh and, sometimes, even think. These modern proverbs are good guides to the real beliefs of the people who live there. Proverbs like: "I’m too poor to be a Republican," or "Don’t mess with me, I’m a middle school teacher." When younger family members grow up and go off to start their own lives, they often take mementos from the family refrigerator to ‘seed’ the refrigerator at their new place of residence. This new shrine will become the center of an entirely new society that will have a completely separate life of its own and, when old refrigerators die, all the old stuff that covered them is transferred to the new refrigerator in almost exactly the same order – often before any food is place in them. For me the sign that we live in a truly advanced civilization is that I can go to my family altar at any time and get a cold beer! The End
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